Chapter 2 – MARCH of the MASTERS

-LAN-guage/ Commune-ication/ Co-Respondence

 

In 2022, I had an ongoing thought that I wanted to have a collage of all the Deities and Masters that have guided me thus far in my life on one sheet of paper for my shrine. I thought I'd find something on the internet, or maybe photoshop one for myself, but then one day when i answered the call of creativity with alcohol ink, i saw the cosmic egg emerge.... I knew the current painting on a 15 x 17 inches Yupo paper was just the 'sketch/ cartoon' for the bigger painting. I knew i would find more on a bigger canvas,.. and I did.

When you call out with Love, the name of your Beloved, You are answered... with unconditional love and abundance.

My journey since this painting has been exciting and fast paced. I was taken to Tirupati Balaji temple and Shree Kalahasthi Temple soon after this painting. The Sri Yantra started to come into consciousness and knowledge. Apparently Adi Sri Shankaracharya established a Sri Yantra under the foundation of Tirupati Balaji temple. This shows his knowledge and connection to all Forces from Shakti to Shiva to Vishnu. It was a very special 1 and a half day in Tirupati.

I had posted a blog with only the finished version of this painting with a short description last year. (https://www.brahmmani.com/post/march-of-the-masters) But this video is made to take you through some concepts that will take longer than 4 minutes to explain in words. The rendition of Kalabhairava Ashtakam by fantastic Agam Agarwal befits the mood and intent and helps transfer the Divine energies. I hope you like this home made piece of love and allow it to feel one with yourself and the cosmos. 2023 got the masters to you and 2025 will see you apply your mastery and clear your connections to what truly matters.

Much Love and Light

Aishwarya

Music Credit Agam Aggarwal : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGwXZqviGyg

I wanted to have a composite picture of all the Spiritual Masters whose words had been guiding me all my life. By now I had made mental lists as I questioned and connected the dots (read- milestones/ heartbreaks/crossroads and choices) of my life and realized the cause and effect of situations and the lessons behind them. This process is part of the catharsis that the soul goes through on its journey back to the Heart, also called Shadow Work/ Dark Night of the Soul.

Self judgement turns to Self Observation, giving rise to Viveka (discernment) .

God grant me the serenityto accept the things I cannot change;courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference.

The dark night comes again to test what you have learnt and if you can apply discernment to the process, you will heal and open your heart which automatically opens your mind. Now the skeptical, survival-oriented mind will be balanced and neutral and serve as a well yielded sword rather than a hashing hammer or frying pan. J The calm mind will allow the heart to say what it needs to and still put some old red flags but it will encourage you rather than put you down in any of your endeavors – be it about standing up for yourself in relationships, or about expressing your creativity, or about being whoever you want to be. Instead of criticizing, you start parenting your little heart with Objective Observation. You become your own Guru.

Guru – Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Friend, Beyond-Beloved, Hero, The Only One. Guide

The Masters of the physical world  (real Master/Guru) are the ones who repeated the words of the Great Masters to us when we were growing up. Eg. Grandparents(and their generation), Parents and their friends, Siblings and their friends, own friends and their parents, teachers in school, caretakers, and people that you interact with. I’m sure you’ve heard some proverb, prose or poetry come at you as an advice or conclusion of a life situation that you may be going through.

PROVERBS ~= GUIDANCES

1.     God is inside your heart. God is in everything.

2.     Talk to God, if you speak with a clean heart, he will answer your prayers.

3.     You Cannot change the other, you can only change yourself.

4.     Do your deeds to your best ability and don’t worry about the results.

Srimad Bhagvad Gita BG 2.47: You have a right to perform your prescribed duties, but you are not entitled to the fruits of your actions. Never consider yourself to be the cause of the results of your activities, nor be attached to inaction. )

5.     Don’t expect anything and you will always be happy

6.     KNOW THYSELF AND YOU WILL KNOW GOD.

7.     Jaisi karni waisi bharni – What you sow is what you reap

8.     Karma - Cause and effect = Every action has an equal and opposite reaction – law of physics

9.     God grant me the serenityto accept the things I cannot change;courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference.

10.  Jo dar gaya Vo Mar gaya – One who gets scared, gets destroyed

11.  Satyamev Jayate.- Truth alone Triumphs

12.  Service before Self (the motto of my school)

13.  Never Give In (the motto of my brothers’ school)

You get the gist! The proverbs /quotes/ muhavra/ doha become the ‘constant’ values/mantras that we live by. (man = mind tra = rhythmic /order) They become the Sacred Structure=Geometry of your Being You. As kids you pick up slang and ‘rude phrases’ (which have also changed) and are reprimanded by your parents not to use foul language or speak negative words as it effects your psyche and pollutes the environment. Our forefathers knew that sound (starting from Aum) is the womb of matter,  but not many mortals are aware about the science behind the fact. Today there are podcasts and videos galore explaining the concept.

While growing up I had friends who claimed to have a black tongue (though physically pink)- meaning whatever they said came true! And we put it to test often. One also had mantras to find misplaced/ lost objects. In my family, my grandmother would tie a knot in her hanky (handkerchief) or edge of her saree like my mother would too, to remember where they put the specific ring of keys and they found it. (Digressing)

Many friends taught me many things, they and their families are all my gurus. Much gratitude!

We are interconnected sponges of energy and information.

Every morning, before we come to come to a state of being awake or bright eyed alertness, we are internally re-member-ing yesterday and the dreams that may have happened. Once the visuals/thoughts start, the emotions kick in too. You go from relaxed-neutral to angry/ happy/ excited /sad within a fraction of a second. And then you get into programmed mental and physical action = re-action.

Or you can learn how to continue to observe things as they are and allow yourself to have less of a re-action and more of a response.

Response = respectfully pondered. From French reponsé/ répondre = re-ponder

“Row row row your boat gently down the stream,

Merrily merrily merrily

Life is just a dream.”

 Not all Mantras learnt or made up are serving your purpose though. You can, do and should change some of your mantras over time and through experience, since Change is the Only Constant! This change happens automatically as you practice the tuning into your Zero Point self in silent meditations, or while you do your daily rituals religiously (brushing your teeth, bathing, walking, cooking)

In India ”Atithi Devo Bhava” (Guest is God) is a value that was taught to us as kids and reminded by elders till date. Instructions of offerings for an unexpected guest were chronologically made to happen. First- A glass of water, Second- Restroom visit to wash hands and face. People in the west don’t understand the face washing concept, but in India, face washing is to wash away the extra baggage of the visuals and smells of the journey and rejuvenate your senses. Water is a neutralizing and healing energy. Tapping the crown chakra and the nape of your neck with a handful of water (3 times)takes care of the excess heat.(Ayurvedic doctor prescription)

Thereafter, choice of refreshing drink is offered- Lemon water Is a summer favorite, along with some savory and sweet snacks including dry fruits (nuts). A full meal is always insisted upon, fed with love and over indulgence with extra dishes and sweets quickly made at home like halwa. When I was in college, Paan (beetlenut-leaf with lime paste, nutmeg, fennel, rose-jelly- its taste is undefinable), was usually organised for my parents’ parties as a digestive.

Till date, consoles are dusted, Candles and incense are lit and rooms sprayed with some air fresheners for awaited guests.

So why am talking about all this!? Well, today , during my Guru Puja offering (28/11/2024 Thursday) it became clear. The offerings that we make to the Gurus are the very same that we make to our guests including the candles and incense. It’s a Tantra that it is in effect worldwide and used to the hilt in the HOSPITALITY business.

OK Now back to the painting.

Who are all these people?

What does it represent?

What did I Feel?

Alcohol Ink on Yupo Paper, the expression of energies. It felt like a prophecy coming. The colours hold vibrations and information. The form was complete and the details wanted to be seen. God is in Details – a voice guides me whenever I doubt the strokes that my brush makes.

Pareidolia  (para idolia = beyond the given idea)

Greek : pará = beside or alongside, and eidos = image or shape. Giving meaning to something beyond what it is.

Pareidolia (/ˌpærɪˈdoʊliə, ˌpɛər-/;[1] also US: /ˌpɛəraɪ-/)[2] is the tendency for perception to impose a meaningful interpretation on a nebulous stimulus, usually visual, so that one detects an object, pattern, or meaning where there is none. Pareidolia is a type of apophenia. (Wikipedia)

Basically, it’s what we did in childhood, on our drives between the city apartment and the small-town bungalow with open space or up to the boarding school that my brothers eventually went to. My brother and I would compete to observe the clouds and spot dog faces, elephants, human and other type of faces, and generally see the clouds change their shape as the car rolled to different perspectives and the clouds came together and drifted apart. I loved and still love watching the clouds (now you don’t see many, plus I gotto watch the road).  Now when I show heart clouds to my brother’s older son at 15, he sees only CLOUD and laughs. :-D

In the colored clouds of my paper I could see 3 Dolphins in the center going the same direction, an orange Nasturtium on the bottom right of the swirl, above it I saw an oriental face in orange with energies of Hanuman. Above the orange I saw the face of Mohammad in Green with the Energy of Jesus, next to him in the center came Adi Shankracharya, right under him was Sai Baba of Shirdi and on the far right came Merlyn the Magician. The entire energy was about the upcoming spring – which in my eyes is March in India, as my Grandmothers’ nasturtiums used to bloom all over the garden and around the house at Holi time – hence celebrating the coming of spring with colors made of flowers and holi played with flowers as well. Hence the name March of the Masters. And lotus pod on the left bottom apart from other things.

I allowed the process to flow through me while I learnt out new techniques with the help of Roopa ji (who is an established artist and teacher, who mom and her friends were going to and then I went as well for help) to enlarge the painting and learn to paint like an artist who knows what they are doing :-D. It was lovely to see perceptions and reactions of Roopa ji’s other students and family members. She guided me with precision and admired my process (and pareidolia) as well. It was an encouraging and humbling feeling. Much gratitude to Devi Roopa, as I call her! Once the crackle paint was applied and the background was established, I worked by myself on details with all the masters with me, changing the colours of light and sceneries, adding strokes and raising frequencies while I worked in inner silence and feeling of elation, love and peace.

This was my first large canvas roll painting, it was large enough to be worked on the floor or dining table or propped against the bed using smaller canvas boards as sturdy ground.

What fascinated me about this work was that it showed me that

every spot and line is already existing,

its just that the light keeps changing and accumulating, interacting with various atoms

 to evolve the entire creation in spiral of life which we call Time.

And the light falls as sprites/ Rays, sprite~=spirit of Colours

And that when focused on one colour and form, the other gets diminished,

then the other has to be worked upon with another light,

And that many perspectives and shapes arise in the same fluid of the cosmic egg, its upto you, what you can reason with and accept (=reason-ate with), that you will see and you will create.

I could feel that my heart was doing the work through my hands.

I knew I was going to have Guru Nanak and I had spotted him in the mist, and I wanted Ramana Maharishi and he appeared eventually. Their faces were made in a breeze. The Blue Bells surrounded their essence while their loving pink light blessed the scene. I was cocreating with the Creator it seemed, the holographic reality of my being.

The message was clear, that internal support will come forth for humanity from these ascended Masters – which span every part of our earth. Just by the utterance of their name, the energy gets activated. Tum yaad to karo, mein aa jaunga. I  could see around me that there was more spiritual media available on Dish TV, (normal TV), YouTube and lots of other channels like Gaia were doing a good job covering various topics under its subscription (I didn’t take it)

MASTERS and Personal Connected Stories

1.     Krishna : - I was born into a family of Arya Samaji’s who believed in the truest Dharma to be Sanatan Dharma. My Great Grandfather (paternal) Mohan Lal Varma, was a taught and encouraged the required rituals of Havan and discipline in diet (vegetarian). He was a Barrister educated in London, owned Brick kilns and various pieces of land around. He had 4 daughters and One Son – my grandfather Surinder Kumar. My grandfather was also a trained Lawyer but turned out to be more an entrepreneur with all kinds of factories and the founding member of various organisations, hospitals and trusts. He married my grandmother who was called Santosh (contentment) but renamed her Queen of Hope – Asha Rani when she was 21 and he around 30. Dadima came from a non-vegetarian family where her grandfather was into Dhyana (meditation/contemplation/introspection). She herself was a devotee of Krishna and meditated while rotating the mala 3 times a day. She called it doing Jaap. My great grandfather made her swear off meat and eggs, allowed her to worship her Krishna, but she also had to learn and do the Havan everyday. She did it all and transferred it to us by teaching us all and making us recite the Gayatri Mantra as well as the Havan Mantras. While her husband, western educated sons, and grandchildren became choicefully non vegetarian, she maintained all her disciplines till the end. I admired her will to have left something that she had liked once. However, Krishna… There is a 5ft white Marble Krishna in her temple who was established by Srimad Prabhupad who came to our house with 150 followers, she told me often. I didn’t know till a few years ago what that meant.

Her love for Krishna was immense, she hummed Meera bhajans and recited Kabir dohas. She performed the havan for everybody’s birthdays and made Sooji halwa and yummy achaars (pickles) and mathri. She grew fields of marigold and sent me to pluck them for the mala around her Krishna. She had superior knowledge of growing flowers and vegetables. She infused in me her devotion and love for the Supreme and included me in her activities. I was her legs and hands for she could not walk easily due to arthritic pain in her knees. From cooking to organizing /cleaning to sowing and knitting she was the wonder queen. I slept in her room and love to accompany her at 4:00am for her morning rituals after she had done some floor yoga for her legs. She would walk with her eyes half closed, with a torch in hand through the dark corridor, crossing the verandah into her temple. There she rejoiced in seeing her Krishna again and again. And as she chanted guru nanak mantra she wept.

While lovingly her Beloveds with velvet cloth she caressed

And her divine temple she swept.

I helped her in her tasks and sat with my eyes closed in padmasana (lotus position) while she did her Jaap. I remember the calm, the silence, the cosy feeling like a warm loving embrace. Then we would go outside the temple to the havan area which is enclosed like a big iron bird cage, and I often wondered why, - it just is.

Tides of time turned in mid 80s and the collapse of the empire was seen. Factories closed and my grandfather had a paralytic stroke. It was touch and go, and a slow constant vigilant progress back to health for him under the exquisite care of my grandmother. The sons left for Delhi and there was the financial crunch. Mrs. Mustafa, who was a moonh-boli /rakhi sister to my grandfather came visiting one day and suggested that my grandmom open a school to help with some earnings. She offered her two young daughters Shaista and Farida didi, as angels and teachers. It was an idea that my grandmom was also toying with and they arranged for one classroom in Great Grandfather’s room and the other in another room, adjoining their own bedroom (old house with thick walls and big rooms) Playway and Nursery. Admissions opened and slowly by end of day, 16 admissions were made. She slept that night worrying that only 16 children had enrolled in her new school, how would she meet the expenses! She told us all the next day that before she woke up that morning she had heard Krishna saying “ Meri Solah Kalayein Hain” (I have 16 skills) She was perplexed but felt sure it was Krishna. No one knew what the 16 kalas of Krishna were at that time. And most people didn’t believe that it was Krishna but they humored her. I was 10, I believed. And her school did very well and still runs, 10 years after her passing on, in the same place.

Today I just searched “how many kalas of Krishna” in hindi and found that there are 16 indeed. But they differ a bit in content in English and Hindi. Do read both if you can.

[https://www.jagran.com/spiritual/religion-lord-krishna-16-kalas-of-lord-krishna-hindu-mythology-23485836.html -- Hindi].

{ https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/religion/festivals/what-are-the-16-kalas-of-lord-krishna-things-you-need-to-know-on-janmashatami-2022/articleshow/93642598.cms - English}

I Believe : Just like the story of her brother remembering his past life as a sipahi on a horse following a dakait and being shot dead. She often repeated the story of her grandfather and younger brother, Ravi going to the village of last origin and finding his shoe man, sweets shop and when he saw his old mother, Ravi collapsed and didn’t remember any of it again.

I Believe: The story of her grandfather having the premonition of his son’s death and also telling his time and event after death to his wife. He breathed his last on the ground with his head resting on his wife lap and as he foretold, some Sadhus came to take his body for last rights.

So here I pay gratitude to my family lineage which includes close family friends for their wonderous and wonderful lives as well as Krishna, Radha, St. Meera and St. Kabir.

2.     Guru Nanak :  In 1984 when I was 7, we shifted to Delhi. Both my brothers were sent to the boarding school and I joined Delhi Public School in Delhi. (private school) It was a rough year – personally I didn’t like being in delhi because I missed my brothers and the open spaces and nature. But in the bigger picture, my parents were going through a life upheaval with the factories closed, father figuring a new vocation, then Indira Gandhi was assassinated, there were riots and unrest and also my Mother’s Mother passed away. My Parents were relieved that their sons were protected and away from all this, but the sons missed being at home.

In the midst of all this, one day I accompanied Mom to Bangla Saheb Gurudwara for the first time. I copied the hand and feet washing rituals and followed my mother’s gestures of folded hands while walking, as she quietly chanted something. As we entered the sanctum hall, there was warmth, the marble was cold, and there were throngs of people walking slowly, bending down from their knees and touching their forehead to the ground in front of a big book placed under a golden canopy being served (fanned) with a white haired, silver handled wand. My mother and I did the same and my mom put some money in the donation trunk after which we went to the side of the hall and sat down on the carpet. The hall was echoing with the kirtan being performed live. I saw no idol, some photographs, the kirtan sang ram and Rahim, Allah and Krishna, Guru Nanak and Guru Gobind, in a language that was quite alien to me (Punjabi). But there was an intoxication in the air that made me close my eyes and as I did, I started to weep. I wondered why I was crying, I was not feeling particularly bad that day, the tears did not have a pain but a sweet release.

A sweet understanding that all is well as now I sit in the Lap of Thee. I fell in love with Guru Nanak and wanted to learn the language to learn more about him.

I asked my mother all kinds of questions – Where are we? What is this place? – Gurudwara. Who are we worshipping? What is a Guru? My Mother being half Sikh told me about Sikhism, all that she knew. She said that she also did not understand Punjabi too well because she went to a convent run by Nuns since the age of 6.

My mother is my software Guru. She’s got her concepts clear : pure heart + pure intent = clear connection. Well those are my words but yeah, she always encouraged me to talk to God. Like she thanks Him out loud before sleeping and sometimes while she turns in her sleep. She said children have a pure heart and so God always listens to them. God listens to those who are clean at heart and do right deeds. She told me His address, my heart, your heart, her heart. She believes in correct actions and words and in keeping the peace.

But Who are Nuns, I also had them in my old school? And my Mother told me about Jesus Christ.

3.     Jesus Christ : The Motto of my new school “Service before Self”. I liked that, I was taught that already at home. I joined in Class III, made friends with the girls but stayed out of “groups”. I enjoyed art class and joined the choir, then came December and they started prepping us for Christmas Carols. I knew Christmas because my mom’s sister in law was from Germany living in UP and the family celebrated at the farm in Pilibhit. But the story and the play and carols were mainly taught in school. I participated every year, wearing red clothes, singing and playing the triangle and bells. My favorites- Silent Night and We three Kings. But I didn’t understand the connection between  Santa Claus and Jesus Christ

But my love for Jesus happened with the music cassettes that came with some thin books on Jesus, handed to me free maybe at a fair we visited. It was the words of the music that made me happy and made me feel like he was real and close by. I remember reading how he loved children and knew of him to perform miracles. At 40 years of age I came to know the music to be called Christ Pop. Or Christ Rock.

A simple painting of Mother, Father and Child wrapped in white sheet, with a glow around his head, held in the mother’s arms above some hay with a feeling of a landscape background. Father is looking over the Mother’s shoulder at the baby whose arms are outstretched and he has a smile. It’s a painting that I have liked and gazed at the beauty of the expressions of the face to notice little else since early childhood. And Little did I know that it was Little Jesus!!

During high school, my place of silence and solace was a church. During college I studied the Renaissance, the rebirth of Religion.  From 1998, my travels to the Western world began and I went to every church and stared at every glass painted window.

In 2012 I was disappointed to learn that only Christians get the prasadam. In 2018 He introduced himself as Yeshua Sananda Kumara to me during my meditations. Also in the same year I was hearing the name Merry, Mari, Meriyem (mariyam) while sensing very nurturing motherly energies. Mother Mary, Mary Magdelene and Merriyem

In many of my one on one and group healing / meditation sessions.

4.    Buddha, Gautama – There were some buddha statues at home and then in school we learnt about how prince Siddhartha renounced the comforts of his palace when he was deeply disturbed by the painful and desolate condition of people of his kingdom. I was impressed by his rebellious nature as he took the controlled vedic knowledge and spread it amongst all by creating a whole new language and system! His stories and rules of Budhism became a constant companion to me and I followed his advice within. In 1992 at 16, I went to Bangkok and visited the sleeping Buddha temple and I felt the peace. I went back this year (2024) and despite increased tourism, the wonder and vibe touched me again at Wat Pho.

Somewhere in 2000 I saved some books from being thrown in the bin by my roommate in New Jersey, USA as for us Indians, books are Vidya (All Knowledge is divine) , to be cared for, donated, not binned. One of the books was THE PORTABLE WORLD BIBLE, edited by Robert O. Ballou. – amazingly, now you can read it here. I skimmed the Hindu at first and went to Zoroastrianism and others and then to Budhism. Buddha gives a very clear view of dos and don’ts as well as questions the Brahman authority in a logical manner. Through the extensive text, to my surprise I found a Prophecy from Buddha. As I read it, some of it seemed to have happened already, like how when Sin started seeping in to man, the lifespan of the next generations started going down and we have arrived at 100yrs from 80 Thousand years of lifespan.

(Page 150 from the viewer, numbered Page 127)

 “Thus, brethren, from goods not being bestowed on the destitute, poverty grew great . . . stealing . . . violence . . . murder . . . lying . . . evil speaking . . . adultery . . . abusive and idle talk . . . covetousness and ill-will . . . false opinions . . . incest, wanton greed and perverted lust ... till finally lack of filial and religious piety and lack of regard for the head of the clan grew great. From these things growing, the lifespan of those beings and the comeliness of them wasted, so that, of humans whose span of life was two and a half centuries, the sons lived but one century.”

The fast coming of the ‘marriageable age’ for girls and teen pregnancies were already common place but what was to come ahead before ‘better sense’, sounded way too absurd like people having a lifespan of 10 years??! Thinking that it is allegoric I let it rest and then happened 9/11. So I read it again.

“There will come a time, brethren, when the descendants of those humans will have a life-span of ten years* Among humans of this life-span, maidens of five years will be of a marriageable age. Among such humans these kinds of tastes (savours) will disappear: ghee, butter, oil of tila, sugar, salt. Among such humans kudrusa gram will be the highest kind of food. Even as to-day, rice and curry is the highest kind of food, so will kudrusa grain be then. Among such humans the ten moral courses of conduct will altogether disappear, the ten immoral courses of action will flourish excessively; there will be no word for moral among such humans — far less any moral agent.”  

The day of 11th September 2001 showed me Divine Protection and Divine Timing. From Newport, New Jersey, I had wished my brother in Texas, a Happy Birthday at 12:00am before sleeping the night before. Next morning, I was half awake waiting for the alarm to ring, to get up and go to work which was 2 blocks away from the World Trade Center. In my half-dream-state, I heard my cellphone ring, but it was the ringtone of a voicemail and not my normal ringtone which was “Kill Bill”. I opened my eyes and saw that I was late for work and my alarm didn’t ring! There were 2 voicemails – one from my mother, calmly holding herself, saying – “Baby, we are worried. We are watching BBC and there is an explosion in World Trade Center. Where are you? Please be safe. We are worried call us”. As her words were reaching my ears, my mind saw an image of me sitting at my office desk, with my Mac Cube, and the window next to me was exploding in slow motion, onto me and my desk and I heard a voice “No I don’t work at world trade” and the window got fixed back in fast forward. My mind was floating higher than the brain as I went onto hear the next message from my older brother living in mid-town Manhattan, being worried, short and crisp, “Baby, where are you. This is an Emergency, call me”. Simultaneously, I told my friend Mike, who was sleeping, about the news as I put on the Wooden cased TV and turned its metal knobs to find a snowy news-channel and tried calling my parents and brothers. All lines were jammed. The scene on the TV screen, was unreal. It was clear that it wasn’t an accident. The Jets started to fly around very soon. The rumble and roar of them was scary and made New Jersey feel like a battle town. I ran from roommate to roommate (3 of them) to use different cellphone carriers and use their landlines again and again while keeping my eyes and ears on the TV in my room. I was disturbed that my roommates were not as disturbed as I, their reaction had been tepid and their routine was going on as usual.

When the first tower fell, I wanted to go to the river front (3 minute walk) and watch History being made with my own eyes. The pain of those who did not survive already was immense. I was sick with worry about friends I knew who worked at or crossed WTC everyday like me. Those who were inside the calamity I could picture, I could see their bleak possibilities and options of escape or not. There were many people gathered at the Newport promenade, the largest gathering I’ve ever seen… the air was heavy and solemn, as Mike and I walked by the river we caught the far sight of the Single Tower standing bellowing smoke, lonely, defeated. I could see the glowing phantom of the fallen tower still standing, whose dust was still travelling in dark clouds filling streets and buildings till many blocks around. Hot tears of anger, disgust and shame towards the human race, wet my face. There was a deep pain in my heart wanting to scream out but it was held back with the shock.

As we walked to the angle facing it closer, we met another schoolmate, who had headphones on, listening to radio news. His back was to the burning tower and he was updating us, while I paid my respect to the departed souls and sent love peace and possibility to the ones trapped as I watched various object flying out from the burning windows of the tower. Everyone had come to watch the inevitable and suddenly our friend’s ashen face and big eyes said “Oh Shit!..” looking at my face. I diverted my eyes to the right side behind his face, the standing tower shook and started to crumble inwards as my friend completed his sentence “It’s going down” and he turned around to watch. The huge dust cloud that rose from under covered the high rises and was coming towards the river.

That moment I saw the bigger picture, from a few inches above the crowd and decided to not bring a new life to this hellish world but adopt those who suffer from it. I was turning 24 in a couple of weeks, the unfolding events spelt chaos and change and I could see it and feel it. Literally everything at that moment was up in the air! Lives, safety, security future! And the loud noise of the jet closing in tore through my body and crushed my broken heart.

I could see crying faces of children covered in dust. I decided that this world was currently a version of hell, only going to get worse and no new child should be brought here before the ones who suffer the atrocities of injustice should be taken care of first. My views on adoption had firmed.

However, soon there were ‘Conspiracy Theories’. There was a movie called Conspiracy Theory

[8:46:40: Flight 11 crashes into the north face of the North Tower (1 WTC) of the World Trade Center, between floors 93 and 99. All passengers aboard are instantly killed with an unknown number inside the building. The aircraft enters the tower on impact.[1]

8:50–8:54 (approx.): Flight 77 is hijacked above southern Ohio, turning to the southeast. The transponder is turned off by hijacker-pilot Hani Hanjour.

9:03:02: Flight 175 crashes into the south face of the South Tower (2 WTC) of the World Trade Center, between floors 77 and 85. All passengers and crew are killed together with an unknown number inside the building. Parts of the plane, including the starboard engine, leave the building from its east and north sides, falling to the ground six blocks away.[1][2] Out of the four attacks, it is the only one witnessed by a live television audience and confirms that the North Tower had been deliberately attacked. ] - the numbers take my attention to this piece of new found info.

Buddha’s code has been soaked into me I feel. It’s called being “a man of conscience”. Budha is a constant companion, reminding me of CHOICES of unconditional love also called compassion, towards self and others. The other just being a Mirror or another Version of You. The story of the fly that bothered Buddha while he was walking and talking to his disciple comes to my mind everytime I hear that pesky mosquito buzzing in my ear as soon as I shut the lights. I flay my hands around my head in order to shoo him away. I request him sometimes them to not bite me, sometimes I ask them to be quiet and sometimes they just come into my hand and die as I say Shiva out loud (as transmitted by Sadhuguru) I wish them to be butterflies. When the irritation is more than ‘my normal’ and I just want to slap my hands together to get it, Something in me says, he has only a few more hours, let him live. Similarly when the Big fly gets trapped in your room and starts banging against the jaali (metal mesh) window, I open the windows ajar and guide it out. I find it quicker and easier than the childhood days when we were given plastic swatters to kill the flies and mosquitoes troubling our grandparents. Or like in later days the China made electric zapper for the infinite flying creatures.

“Mañjuśrī asks how a bodhisattva should spread the teaching.[80] The Buddha explains the four qualities they should cultivate to teach the sutra. First, they should be self-controlled and correctly see the characteristics of phenomena and they should stay apart from worldly life. Secondly, they should see the emptiness of phenomena. Thirdly, they should be happy and never criticize and discourage people from enlightenment. Finally, they should have compassion for people and wish to attain Buddhahood so they may help liberate others.[44][81] Virtues such as patience, gentleness, a calm mind, wisdom and compassion are to be cultivated. “­

5.    Green Tara

6.    Sai Baba, Shirdi – First time I ever heard of Sai Baba was in 1995, when after my cousin’s wedding in Pune, my Mom took me and another cousin to Shirdi before heading to Bombay for our flight back to Delhi. Again a thousand questions to my mother about who, why and how Sai Baba happened!! And why do people still worship him? I was 18yrs old. We walked through a gully of shops filled with pooja items like flowers, coconut, incense, garments, that looked shiny-pretty but the salespeople have a very aggressive way of selling you offerings that put me off.

We had ‘special darshan tickets’, yet the line was long and a wait of about 2-3 hours in the sun. My mom got dehydrated and dizzy, and it was hard to find a place in the shade for her to sit while not breaking the que.

Finally when the doors opened and we started to move with the momentum of the crowd, and then we saw a big, beautiful and benevolent white marble Sai Baba, smiling gently. There were two pandits standing atop a platform decorating the offerings of shawls, flowers on Sai Baba. As we were reaching closer to the idol, I saw one of the pandit wave a sealed bundle of money, showing it to the other pandit and feeling very happy. I saw the presence of greed and absence of sanctity/ sacredness and it made me cringe. I felt sad as we were swept out of the sanctum onto the place where his Dhuni still burns and where Sai slept, called Dwarka Mai. I remember standing in front of iron bars that kept the spot protected, I spoke to his presence inside and I said “Sai I don’t know who you are but I believe that god is in everything and is everywhere. That god cannot be bought with money. I don’t want to see this commerce around God so I will not visit any popular place of worship. I will carry you in my heart which shall be my temple”

In 2017-18 I could hear and feel and expressed out loud “Sai” Sai, Sai. A motherly love, a melting benevolence, a gentle smile. My body tingles with warmth, heart expands and tears flow in the experience of His presence. ....

I think this blog is long enough and needs a review from its readers. Please leave your thoughts in the comments.

Whats left to expand on?? See below

7.    Shiva - 2010 -- Auto-chanting "om Namah Shivaya" during time of duress.

8.    Babaji / Michael -- Autobiography o f a Yogi, Angel invitaion and ritual of a week.

9.    Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudeva -- 2007 his book Mystics Musings appeared mysteriously on my pink sofa by the window. Intimidated by the thickness, i put it amongst my reiki and chakra healing books on the shelf. 2012 December, I had signed up for Inner Engineering for the next month and left for a roadtrip for Rann of Kutch and Somnath Jyotirlinga along the way. 2013, I had found my Guru, through the Yoga he had imparted. His energy ignited my spirit which had been bent out of shape over the years.

10. Kali / Shakti - 2013 --  Auto-chanting "Linga Bhairavi Stuti" at a time of unforeseen unpleasant situation. Source of strength and creativity. Divine Mother.

11. Pancha mama – In 2008 I came across an article on National Geographic about something called Ayuwasca.

12. Isis

13. Venus

14. Seraphim Bey / ankhaten,

15. Hanuman

16. White eagle shaman

17. Ramana Maharishi - 2010...

18. Neptune/ Pluto

19. Pices / Sophia Gaia

20. Jupiter, Merlyn, Melkezedick, Sanat Kumara, Rishi

21. Dolphins

22. Unicorn

23. Nagini - I used to be petrified of Snakes and Lizards.

24. Phoenix

25. Falcon

26. Ladybug

27. Butterfly

28. Dragonfly

29. Marigold, Petunias, dhatura, bel leaf, lotus, lotus pod, nasturtiums, hibiscus,

30.  Crystal